you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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