After last night, I could never be a politician.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
