So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
