weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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