plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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