all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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