my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
