I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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