We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
