Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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