I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
