Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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