Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I did not marry a roomba.
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