You smell like a Billy Joel song
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
