As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
