but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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