this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
