then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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