Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
