I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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