You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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