Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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