Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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