where am i from again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
