I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
