i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
