Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
