we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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