her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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