I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
