So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
