He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
