12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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