I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
