Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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