What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
