I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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