Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
