where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
