The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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