I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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