god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
