Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
