I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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