I am puke
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's blow job season.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
