Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
