Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
