I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
