My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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