Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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