if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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