Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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