You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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