i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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