i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
