i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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