I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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