I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
