I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
