I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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