butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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