My friends, they love my intelligence
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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