you mean i was at the winter classic?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
