I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
