my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
