Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
