I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
