So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
third nipple confirmed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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