your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
