I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
