Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
