im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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