You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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