BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
