was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
