have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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