hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
