I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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