Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
